Dunwoody Soccer Mom’s School of Driving

There is not much I despise more than one who attends the Dunwoody Soccer Mom School of Driving. First let me explain what a Dunwoody Soccer Mom is. They hail from Dunwoody Georgia. A bit of an affluent area where everyone seems to need an SUV. I don’t mean a little SUV either. I mean the huge-ass Yukon, Expeditions, and the likes.

Generally a Dunwoody Soccer Mom will spend her day at the tennis court and shuttling the kids to n from soccer practice. Thing is, most you ever see in a Soccer Mom’s SUV is 2 kids. Why the hell do they need such a big vehicle? More importantly … why can’t they drive them?

I can not even begin to count the number of times I have literally been run off the road because a Dunwoody Soccer Mom did not see my little corvette in the lane beside them. Even more astounding is when they realize they have made me swerve into the emergency lanes or into another lane, they use hand signals to indicate they did not see me because my car was too small. HELLO! Quit turning around screaming at the kids and talking on the cell phone. If you are driving beside me one minute, chances are 2 seconds later, you are still driving beside me! DSM’s are also known for not being able to park in one parking space. They always need to take 2 if not 4.

This past weekend we were at Home Depot on Peachtree-Dunwoody. Now anyone who has been here knows this Home Depot has a ridiculously small parking lot which they have decided to share with a Cost Co. It was a Sunday afternoon, the height of Home Improvement trips. A DSM was cruising the parking lot in front of us and decides to pull into a space. There was an empty space in front of her so I figured I would go around to the next aisle and park there. To my surprise, the DSM pulled through to the adjoining space, so we decided we would park behind the DSM.

She is well pulled into the space, and to the point where a normal driver would put the car in park and turn it off. I pull into the space to park. Suddenly we notice DSM’s back-up lights are on … AND SHE’S BACKING UP!! I honk my horn. She keeps backing up. I honk more. I put Mr. Q in reverse and back up. She keeps coming. I honk my horn more! A pedestrian is watching trying to decide if it’s safe to walk behind me (it’s not). DSM stops for a bit. I figure it’s safe to park. DSM starts backing up again! By this time I am laying wildly on the horn. Bubba Q and I are in the car amazed that someone can be so stupid! We later realize that we should not be amazed at all. DSM stops.

As if that was not bad enough. We get out of the car. I say “didn’t you hear me honking says “Oh, I wasn’t that close to the end of the space.” “Lady,” I say, “at one point you were less than an inch away from my bumper until I backed up.” She looks at the back of her car and sees that she has backed well into the space she had pulled through … she says nothing about that, but proceeds to laugh “I didn’t hear you honking, I had the radio on and my daughter kept saying ‘Mommy, who’s honking at you?’”

What can you say back to this? “Oh, I’m so very sorry that you are a MORON?”

When I lived in Atlanta, I was so glad when I moved ITP and could avoid Dunwoody. This is a classic example why.

Probably Won't Stop Me ...

the fine on my speeding ticket that is. It's less than $100. I was expecting it to be in the $300-400 range (as were many other folks). A hundred bucks doesn't hit me hard enough to make me stop. If it goes up, might be a different story with my insurance next year.

My co-workers tell me Officer Friendly was in the same spot this morning waiting just for me. My co-workers have a sick sense of humor. Besides, I was on time to work the day I got that ticket ... THAT almost never happens. :D

Radar Detector in place, cruise control set to 68. Motor On.

Some say, I was Overdue ...

There is a first for everything, or so it seems. Prior to Mr. Q I drove a 78 Corvette and an 82 Corvette with a race modified engine. The speedometer in the 82 only went up to 85mph. It spent the better part of 11 years pegged. Why is this important to know? Today, I got my very first ticket. A speeding ticket. A dozy at that.

I drive fast. I know it. I don’t deny it. But still, I would have thought if I was going to get a speeding ticket it would have happened in one of my Corvettes.

Pellissippi Parkway. Say it with me. Pell-a-sippy. The speed limit is 70mph. Of course it’s relatively common to be passed while going 80. I try to stay within 10 miles over the limit.

I was cruising along, minding my own business and didn’t even noticed the white police car in the median until it was too late … of course. I knew I was busted the moment I passed him. Our conversation went like this:

Morning, how are you?
Morning, I was fine up until about 5 minutes ago.
(Chuckle) Do you know how fast you were going?
70ish?
(Grins) a bit higher than that.
Well, I know it wasn’t 90, must have been 80? (For the record, my speedometer only marks off 10-mile increments … so I tend to not use the numbers in-between).
Not that bad, 76. Do you know the speed limit on Pellissippi?
70.
(Grins) No, it’s been changed to 45 for a couple weeks. Got your license on you?
Yes, it’s in my boot … errr trunk.

As I go to get my license, Officer Friendly starts asking me about my Mini. Do I like it? Have I had it long? Did I get it in town, because he hasn’t seen a Mini dealer in the area? I tell you, I would have died laughing on the spot if he would have asked me if it moved.

I got the ticket. 76 in a 45. I’ll call in a few days to see how much that one will cost me.

Now, I’ve peen pulled over before, but never issued a ticket … oh except the school bus thing in Georgia … but that’s another story. Each time I’ve had to show registration and proof of insurance. Here in Tennessee, all I had to show was my license. Odd, I thought.

Tonight I dug my radar detector out of my corvette parts box and installed it in the Mini. I figure I’ll take all the help I can get until they put the speed limit back up to 70. Mr. Q is easy to spot, no other car in town looks just like him.

Still, I’m amazed … all those years of driving a Corvette; it takes a Mini to get me a speeding ticket. Sheesh.